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Roles of Husbands and Wives in the Christian Marriage Relationship (Ephesians 5)
Roles of Husbands and Wives in the Christian
Marriage Relationship (Ephesians 5)

Abstract
Partners within the marriage relationship are equal before God because both
were made in his image. Together they fully reflct the image of God. Thy are
both bearers of the personality of God; both present the distinctive aspects of
the character of God. However, husbands and wives received diffrent roles.
Within the context of the Christian marriage, as presented in Ephesians 5,
partners are called to lovingly submit to one another. In light of that mutual
submission, wives are specifially exhorted to submit to their husbands and
husbands are specifially exhorted to love their wives. Husbands and wives
are compared to Christ and the church, thus giving this relationship a special purpose and meaning, a unique place in the range of biblical relations,
presenting it as meaningful, authoritative and vital. Thre certainly are some
limitations to the cultural aspect of the roles, however, the comparing of this
relationship to Christ and the church gives the roles within the marriage an
eternal, culturally transmittable value. Christ will always remain the head of
his church and will always love his bride, and the church will be forever called
to submit to him and respect him.
Key words: marriage, roles of husband and wife, the Epistle to the Ephesians,
Christ, Church, submissiveness, love
Introduction
In modern day Christianity, teachings about the roles within the Christian
marriage relationship have taken different directions. On one side, it is popular
to strive for things that will make partners happy and content. The influence
for this comes mostly from the culture around us. We find ourselves fighting 114
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against the Maker of Marriage, and in the pursuit of happiness, trying to win
this battle that we lost long ago. On the other side, we concentrate on the roles of
wives that need to submit to their husbands in such strength and vigor, that we
tend to lose sight of the equality among men and women. We get entangled in
behavioral legalism only to leave our hearts and common sense in the shadows
of our churches. We misuse words such as authority and submission for our
selfish ambition and forget they are biblical terms, used for teaching, rebuking,
correcting and training in righteousness.
Surprisingly, what we need is not a fresh perspective. What we need is a
reminder of the intent of God for marriage and the roles within this covenant;
we need the ancient scriptures to guide us and persuade us once more that there
lies the secret to a sacred marriage. Terms such as authority and submission need
to be accepted in honest humility. The roles within the marriage relationship are
far from unspeakable, they are wonderfully presented and if applied, filled with
fulfillment and blessing.
Where it all began
“The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper
suitable for him.’” (Gen 2:18). The marriage relationship, and the family unit as
the product of such a relationship, is not a human idea. God ordained, in his
ultimate wisdom, power, knowledge, and, of course, grace, the relationship that
would ensure purposefulness in life, companionship, faithfulness and stability in
the permanency of this bond (Stassen, Glen & Gushee, 2003). It is important to
mention at this point that this permanency is limited to life here on earth and does
not stretch to eternity. Jesus confirms this in his discussion with the Sadducees. 1
The specific purposes of marriage were tasks chosen by God (Gen 1:28).
Together, as one flesh unit, the man and the woman were to procreate, rule the
earth and all that is in it, and have an intimate relationship. The importance of
intimacy is seen from the instruction to man to leave his mother and father and
become one flesh with his wife. Within the new unit, companionship, faithfulness
and permanency is a part of the integration process of the marriage relationship.
As sin entered the world, it distorted many of God’s original instructions.
The commandment to procreate was made difficult by the serious child-birth
pain that would accompany it. The stewardship over the earth which was
1 Jesus replied, “You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. At
the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels
in heaven” (NIV Mt 22:30). 115
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intended to be joyful and fulfilling work became wearisome labor. The intimate
companionship took on a new turn as male domination pervaded the culture and
mistreatment of women became a normal part of everyday life (Trull, 1997:163).
Eden was lost, but not altogether. The hope for a new creation, the restoration
of God of his original intent for marriage, and a glimpse of that being presented
through the active salvation work of God, lingered throughout the history of the
Jewish people.
A Biblical Example: Ephesians 5
By New Testament times, women were generally treated as lesser beings within
society, restricted to the home and the family. They had few legal rights, were
even perceived as carriers of evil to the world, and were mistreated in many
different ways – politically, socially and personally. Their worth was measured
and compared to that of a dog. As a result of such a worldview, they seldom
participated in public activities and events. They were taught to stay at home and
care only about what was placed before them, mostly children and household
chores. There were exceptions to this rule, however not many.
Among the cultures addressed by the Epistle to the Ephesians, there are three
that were prominent. The differences between the Roman, Greek and Jewish
marriage relationships were visible; however, the mistreatment of women and
the perception of women as lesser creatures were present in all three. It was a
teaching rooted deeply in the mind of the ancient world and only few individuals
ever questioned the origin or validity of such a teaching. Mostly, it was commonly
accepted that the degradation of women was the way the gods had arranged
society, thus making it the most natural and logical ordination.
The text of Ephesians entered a time of varied and strong cultural diversity and
suggested a newness of thought and action. In the context of Christian thought,
it offered radical change in the treatment of women and especially in the entire
marriage relationship. To apprehend the full picture of the situation, a context of
the letter, the themes, the author and the audience must be explored.
Social Setting of the Epistle to the Ephesians
Th Ancient World and its Customs
The Greek Marriage Relationship: The degradation of women began early
in ancient Greece. The study and discussion of society was a major part of
the philosophical agenda. The family was a core unit and was seen as society
in miniature. Thus, it was of great importance and directed by the leaders of 116
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the time, philosophers, who outlined the proper family relationships. Aristotle
appointed men as the head of the family with all the authority to rule as he saw
fit. A man was even compared to a king in his own little kingdom, just like there
were kings over nations in the broader sense. Aristotle was convinced that “the
male is by nature fitter to command than the female” (Bristow, 1991: 6). Women
were mostly used for pleasure and for taking care of children and the home. The
conviction that women were inferior to men was strongly rooted in the minds of
the men as well as the women of the Greek community (Bristow, 1991: 3-9).
The greatest philosophical heritage comes directly from Athens where
the devaluation of women originated and developed in its full force. Some
surrounding nations such as the Spartans and the Egyptians had different views
on women. Their women were a part of the public life, were able to work outside
of the home, and even had legal rights that were not canceled after marriage,
pointing to the more egalitarian system within those societies. However, these
nations provided no philosophical heritage, so the Athenian heritage pervaded
concerning the rights and treatment of women (Bristow, 1991: 9-11).
The ideal in antique Greek culture was a woman who “stayed at home, taking
care of it and obedient to her husband” (Keener, 1992: 164-166). And in the
culture where the achievement of the ideal was most valued, this was seen as the
divine ordination of the society.
The Roman Marriage Relationship: In the Roman culture, women were
seen as having little worth, much like in some of the other civilizations of the
time. Little emphasis was given to their rights. What was emphasized were
their obligations as housekeepers and child bearers. The influence from Greek
philosophy was evident insofar as women in Rome never enjoyed political rights,
“but their opportunities for education and social activity were greater in Rome
than in Greece” (Bell, 1998: 3). By the time of the great Empire of the first century,
many things had changed for women. They experienced social freedom and were
able to run businesses, buy and sell properties, stay single and, in general, be very
influential. “Women figured prominently in the social life of Rome. They enjoyed
freedom of movement and socialization which was denied them in other ancient
societies” (Bell, 1998:3). Many were unsatisfied with just staying at home and
being mothers, so they soon assumed a higher place in society than in any other
civilization in antiquity.
In the ancient Roman culture, the marriage relationship was a special bond
between a man and a woman. It was not, however, seen as sacramental, and as
such was completely in the hands of the participants in the agreement. If a man
or a woman wanted to divorce, there was no legal or moral problem stopping the
action. Marriages were mostly arranged by the fathers of the bride and groom,
and the consent of the woman was not essential for the contract to be made. In 117
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the religious life of the Roman couple, a wife was expected to abandon the gods of
her father’s household and worship the gods of her husband (Bell, 1998: 3).
The ideal in antique Roman culture was a woman who was “supportive and
subservient, good daughter, wife and mother, meek, quiet, shy and self-conscious.
Submission was even required by law” (Keener, 1992: 164-166).
The Jewish Marriage Relationship: From the beginning of humanity, and
later during the time of the chosen people of God, marriage was ordained by God
for the purposes of God. This covenant relationship was described as “sacred,
God witnessed, public, mutually binding, irrevocable relationship between two
parties who willingly promise and undertake to live by its terms” (Stassen, Glen &
Gushee, 2003: 276). The ideal was set and provided by the Creator and Sustainer.
Before exploring the position of women in Israel and later in New Testament
times, it is important to recognize how God views women from a biblical
perspective. One sees from the text of Genesis 1:27-28 that both men and women
were created in the image of God and both were given the authority to rule over
creation, thus making them equal before God. As a result of the male-female
character differences, only when together, they completely reflect the image of
God. After the fall, God spoke specifically to the woman, saying “Your desire will
be for your husband, and he will rule over you” (Gen 3:16). In a similar aspect,
Paul called on women to submit to their husbands, not as inferior beings, but in
all humility to allow their husbands to lead (Packer, Tenney & White, 1997: 13).
The conclusion is that in the eyes of God women are equal to men, bearers of the
image of God and capable of ruling over the earth, however, instructed by God in
a specific manner that in no way makes them inferior to men.
“The family was a unifying thread in Bible history. When threatened or
challenged, the family unit struggled for survival. God used families to convey
His message to each new generation” (Packer, Tenney & White, 1997: 412). Both
husband and wife played an important role. The husband was the head of the
family, responsible for the well-being of all, acting as a leader not only in everyday
matters, but in spiritual religious matters as well. He played a major part in the
training of his children, especially the sons. The way in which he taught them was
the law of the Lord. The instruction for Israel is clear:
“Thse commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when
you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as
symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the
doorframes of your houses and on your gates” (Deut 6:6-9).
A woman’s marriage was usually arranged by her father. The expectations ofthe family and society were high. The relationship was entered into with full 118KAIROS - Evangelical Journal of Thology / Vol. III. No. 2 (2009), pp. 113-134expectation for children and for the wife’s complete submission to the husband.She was to be a helper, especially caring for the home and children. If it was necessaryfor the well-being of the family, her role extended to the market place whereshe could trade and thus help provide for the family. She was also an importantparticipant in the upbringing of the children, especially the daughters to whom shetaught household chores and of the primary goal in life which was childbearing andcaring for the husband and the family (Packer, Tenney & White, 1997).By the time of Jesus and later Paul, the Jewish setting of the marriagerelationship was no longer the same as that presented in the Torah. “Longbefore Jesus’ time, the old Hebrew religion of Moses and the prophets had beenreplaced by a new religion called Judaism, which was based on the traditions ofthe Scribes and Pharisees” (Bilezikian, 1085:81). Women were often viewed asan evil necessity, a distraction and a nuisance. A known prayer of Jewish menreveals the atmosphere: “Thank you God that you did not make me a Gentile, …a woman, … a boor” (Bristow, 1991:20). The ideal in the Jewish culture was a wifethat was “a slave to her husband, silent, restrained, modest and chaste” (Keener,1992:164-166).The social milieu of the Jewish-Gentile culture at the time of Paul’s letter to theEphesians was saturated with the mistreatment of women and tendencies to upliftmen, and all this behind a veil of religious observances. Even though there weresome differences between the Greek, Roman and Jewish marriage relationships,all three were interwoven with the same issues of devaluing women. Jesus showeda better way. Paul also suggested a better way, the way of a new community inChrist, the way of mutual submission, love and respect.Specifi Setting of EphesiansThe epistle called “the crown of Paul’s writings” (MacDonald, 1995:1903) is filledwith the blessings that are ours in Jesus Christ. The Epistle to the Ephesians wasprobably a circular letter that was sent to many different churches. The reasonscholars believe this includes that it does not address any particular issue thatcould be troubling the church and its lack of personal greetings. The lack ofpersonal greetings seems strange since Paul knew the Ephesians very well, havingspent three years with them (Acts 19).The author introduces himself as Paul two times (1:1 and 3:1) and hisauthorship was widely accepted for 19 centuries.“No other Pauline epistle has such and early and continuous stream of witnesses, starting with Clement of Rome, Ignatius, Polycarp, and Hermas, andgoing on with Clement of Alexandria, Irenaeus, and Hypolytus… the Muratorian Canon also lists Ephesians as by Paul” (MacDonald, 1995:1903). 119N. Lovše: Roles of Husbands and Wives in the Christian Marriage Relationship (Ephesians 5)In the beginning of nineteenth century, German scholars began to doubt Paulineauthorship. Their reasons were mostly because of a different style and vocabularythat are introduced in this epistle. For a mind like that of Paul, this is not strange.“Different themes require different words, and changed circumstances create achanged atmosphere” (Stott, 1973:17).There arose, however, two other arguments against Pauline authority – thehistorical and the theological arguments. The historical argument is based on thefact that Paul had stayed in Ephesus twice, first for a short time (Acts 18:19-21)and the second time for three years (Acts 19:1-20:1,31) in which he taught themin public and in their homes, getting to know them and they getting to know him.It is, therefore, curious that the letter is so impersonal, with no special greetingor listed names. This is certainly a surprise, but these are not grounds to dismisshis authorship. The theological argument claims that the sphere of interest isthe cosmic dimension, that the focus is the church and that reconciliation orjustification are not mentioned as much. But all these differences are stillembedded within Pauline theology (Stott, 1973:18).The letter is unique. In a way, written to strangers, but not really. It is firstof all a prayer, and when somebody prays for another, the relationship changes.Second, it is affirmation. It is not apologetics or polemics; it is affirmation aboutthe Father, Son and the Spirit. Third, it is evangelism, talking about the savingpurposes and action of God (Stott, 1973:19-20).The case for Pauline authorship is strong and reliable. There is internalevidence such as the author calling himself Paul, and the letter being filled withthe Pauline theme of Jews and Gentiles reconciling before God in Christ. Thereis also the external evidence of centuries of witnesses.The Epistle to the Ephesians is one of the so-called “Prison Epistles”, alongwith Colossians, Philippians, and Philemon. It was probably written from thefirst imprisonment of Paul in Rome around AD 60. The second imprisonmentwas in Ephesus and the third in Caesarea and in both he did not have muchfreedom to spread the news among many, but just among his friends. In Rome,he preached to many who came to his home imprisonment.This letter was carried to the province of Asia by Tychicus (6:21-22), as was theepistle to the Colossians (4:7-9). This explains the similarity in theme and input.Because of the impersonal tone of the letter, it is highly likely that therecipients were not only Christians in Ephesus, but Christians of the whole areaof Asia Minor. Also, some manuscripts do not include “in Ephesus” in 1:1, andPaul also mentions that he has heard of their faith, which indicates that Paulwas probably leaving out the geographical location. This was probably a circularletter addressed to many different churches in Asia Minor. If one copy started tocirculate from Ephesus and then returned to Ephesus, it is possible the origin of 120KAIROS - Evangelical Journal of Thology / Vol. III. No. 2 (2009), pp. 113-134the name started there.There are a few things that are clear of the recipients. First, they are saints,not pointing to certain people, but the new reality of the people of God as a holynation. Second, they are faithful, trusting in the Lord. Third, they are in Christ.“To be in Christ is to be personally and vitally united to Christ, as branchesare to the vine and members to the body, and thereby also to Christ’s people.For it is impossible to be part of the body without being related to both theHead and the members” (Stott, 1973:22).Fourth, some manuscripts add that Paul’s readers are in Ephesus. Ephesus wasthe capital of the Roman province of Asia Minor (modern day Turkey) and a busycommercial port, located at the intersection of major trade routes. It was alsothe center of the pagan worship of Diana (Artemis) whose temple, after beingdestroyed in the middle of the fourth century BC, was slowly being rebuilt tobecome one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World.The main theme of Ephesians is what Paul calls the mystery. It is not somethinghidden but is a wonderful truth that is just now being revealed. Believing Jewsand Gentiles are all members of the Body of Christ, in the present, seated in theheavenly places with Christ, and in the future, they will share his glory as Headover all things.Another important theme is love, agape, the love expressed through the will.It is a major theme in the Epistle to the Ephesians, a love of God that is manifestedin Christ. Such a love is assumed in the relationship of husband and wife. Paulstarts and ends the epistle with this (1:4; 6:24) and uses the word agape more inthis epistle than in any other. This was perhaps the Holy Spirit pointing out theimportance of love, because thirty years later, this church would be rebuked byJesus for having left their first love (Rev 2:4).Other themes include the new society of God 2, the new creation of men andwomen through Jesus Christ, a biblical vision of the church, and the fight againstthe principalities and powers of evil.The Epistle to the Ephesians can be divided into two main sections. First,the new life which God has given through Christ and society that He hascreated through Him, found in 1:1-3:21, and second, the new standards whichGod expects of his new society and new relationships into which God bringspeople, as expounded in 4:1-6:24. In the second section, there is a discourse onhusbands and wives, found in 5:21-33, vital for the understanding of the marriagerelationship as pertaining to this article.2 Stott calls this the central theme of Ephesians. 121N. Lovše: Roles of Husbands and Wives in the Christian Marriage Relationship (Ephesians 5)Ephesians 5:21-33 as one UnitThis passage functions as a unit. Verse 21 is preceded by the theme of being filledwith the Holy Spirit and is followed by the new theme of submission, whichstretches throughout these verses. Two main relationships are clearly presented,namely Christ and the Church, and husbands and wives. The writer is interested indrawing from the heavenly relationship to address the earthly one. Some scholarshave suggested that Paul is stressing one relationship and is not concerned withthe other, however this is not likely. Paul is certainly giving exhortation that isspecific to the marriage relationship between husband and wife, but is doing so inlight of the much grander relationship, one that has its beginning in the heavens,the relationship between Christ and his Church.This unit is structurally divided into four main parts. There is a thread ofthe theme of submissiveness, as well as authority and love throughout all fourparts; however, the recipients of the message change. In the first section, verse21 instructs all believers to be submissive to one another. In the second, verses22-24, the instruction is specific to wives. They are to submit to their husbandsin everything, as unto the Lord. In the third section, verses 25-31, husbands arebeing exhorted to love their wives as Christ loves the church. In the last section,in verse 33, the writer concludes and summarizes his thoughts. Both husbandand wife are exhorted, starting with the husband, repeating that he should lovehis wife. He then moves to the wife, instructing her to respect 3 her husband, andwith this, bringing back the essential prerequisite for mutual submission – thefear of the Lord (Lincoln, 2002:354).Ephesians 5:21Submissiveness in Ephesians 5:21This transitional verse holds the key to the unique understanding of Christiansubmission. It requires the pre-filling of the Sprit (Eph 5:18) and it leads into theexhortation to men and women about specific conduct toward one another. Thefact that the verse is transitional in such a manner “enables it to be the appropriatelink between the writer’s appeal to the whole community and his advice to specificgroups within it. If believers are filled with the Spirit, this should manifest itself intheir mutual submission” (Lincoln, 2002:354).3 Other translations use words such as fear or revere, all pointing to the fear of God that is present in every believer. 122KAIROS - Evangelical Journal of Thology / Vol. III. No. 2 (2009), pp. 113-134The theme of submissiveness is oft repeated in the texts of the apostle Paul.However, only here in the Pauline corpus is the actual verb “to submit” employedfor mutual relationships among believers. Elsewhere the notion of submission isonly used for the attitude of specific groups — women, children and slaves — orfor the attitude of believers to the state (Ibid.).In connection to the rest of the passage of Ephesians 5:21-33, verse 21 seems,at first glance, a contradiction to the text which follows. Many scholars haveargued this case, however it seems unlikely that Paul, giving careful thought towhom he is writing and why, would confuse his readers by contradicting himself.It is more likely that there are two aspects critical to this understanding. One isthe mutual submission to which all Christians must attend, if they are to followtheir commander in chief, Jesus Christ. This first aspect is widely accepted. Thesecond aspect which includes specific instruction to husbands and wives foundin verses 22-33, deals with the notion of different roles within this relationship.So even though husbands are to submit to their wives in the way as to seek what isbest not for themselves, but for the wife, there is no denying the difference of theroles. A husband is to lead, and the wife is to submit to his guidance.The mutual yielding is motivated out of fear of Christ. Many times, the wordfear has a negative connotation; however, in the Biblical context, “The fear ofthe LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have goodunderstanding. To him belongs eternal praise” (Ps 111:10). As was true in OldTestament times, so Paul confirms is still true in New Testament times. The fearof the Lord, the fear of Christ, is the ultimate motivation for all Christian conduct.This fear consists of awe of the presence of God, his amazing saving power andgrace and the love that will also be expressed though righteous judgment.Submissiveness as a Universal Christian ObligationSubmissiveness is a universal Christian obligation, extended to anyone who is apart of the new reality of living as a follower of Christ. Jesus Christ, as the ultimateauthority, is the primary example of what real submission looks like and how it islived out in practice. He lived and died as a servant, submitting completely to theauthority of the Father.Jesus, “who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with Godsomething to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature ofa servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as aman, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross!”(Php 2:6-8). Yet he still holds all the authority in heaven and on earth, which hehimself testifies to at the end of his life (Mt 28:18). From this passage, it is clearthat he is dealing with a different understanding of authority and submission 123N. Lovše: Roles of Husbands and Wives in the Christian Marriage Relationship (Ephesians 5)than is portrayed in the world today. It is only through this heavenly submissionthat Jesus received the ultimate gift from the Father (Php 2:9-11). This kind ofauthority is not only conditioned by the submission that precedes it, but it alsobrings glory back to the Father.Through the years of close fellowship with their Master, Jesus’ disciples wereexposed to miracles of healing, redemption, and even the raising of the dead.They had sensed the power of the Holy Sprit flowing through Jesus. They wantedthat same power and the pedestal they thought this would bring them. On oneoccasion they were arguing over who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.When they were unable to resolve this matter themselves, they came to Jesus,looking for answers that would clear things up. Jesus gives them an answer thatwas vital for them then, however it has an eternal application for all believers.There is no alternative to the exhortation of Jesus Christ. He said,“You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high ofiials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants tobecome great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be fistmust be your slave – just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but toserve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mt 20:25-28).In the eyes of the world, this kind of authority is seen almost as a weakness. Thereis absolutely nothing weak, however, in the power of the Lord Jesus Christ. Hebrings glory and honor to the Father, and his presence alone can leave a man inawe of his authority. Jesus has three amazing characteristics vital to his personality.First, he is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact representation of God.Second, he is sustaining this world only by the power of his word. And third, afterproviding purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty inheaven (Heb 1:3). How amazing and breathtaking is this truth of the linking ofgreat humility with great authority.When a person receives Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, the former life,habits, and realities are substituted with the newness of life and godliness. This is,of course, not a surprise, for the price that was paid on the cross was extremelyhigh and it is to be expected that it would lead to the transformation of one’s lifeand one’s whole being. Truly, “if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the oldhas gone, the new has come!” (2 Co 5:17). With this newness, different conceptsof values are attached to the process. There are many of these values and a few areof great importance to understanding submission and authority. As mentionedbefore, Jesus redefined the greatness in this world. The greatest one is the personwho is the servant of all, and Jesus showed that by his own example.The book of Ephesians is saturated with the sense of a new reality of livingin Christ Jesus. The task is not easy. The Word of God, the instruction of theAlmighty is never easy. However, it does not come as a command anyone can 124KAIROS - Evangelical Journal of Thology / Vol. III. No. 2 (2009), pp. 113-134achieve by his or her own will and power. The idea is that the Holy Spirit, promisedby Jesus himself, and given in abundance to every believer, is ever present to assistin these amazing tasks. The text preceding Ephesians 5:21 points exactly to thisvital and important truth:“Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filed withthe Spirit [emphasis mine]. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns andspiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord JesusChrist” (Eph 5:18-20).In the context of God’s spiritual guidance and leadership and in thankfulness toGod the Father, the instruction of mutual submission seems highly likely andpossible. It is, in fact, only in this context, that it is possible. Only under theumbrella of the supremacy and authority of Christ can mutual submission beachieved and lived out.Ephesians 5:22-33Th Role of a WifeTo Submit: Influenced by the preceding verse on mutual submission, Pauladdresses the wives first in his further, specific instruction. He states, “Wives,submit to your husbands as to the Lord” (Eph 5:22-24).It is noteworthy that the verb “to submit” is not present here, however, as acorrelation to the preceding verse, it is obvious; it can be assumed it is referringto the act of submission. The action here is willing, voluntary and filled with joysince it has the connotation of submission to the Lord. All believers are to submitto the Lord with pure joy and thanksgiving, not to rebel or refuse his authority.The response to love must be love.In other New Testament passages, wives are instructed similarly. In Colossians3:18, the instruction is almost the same, which is not surprising coming fromthe hand of the same writer and written at approximately the same time. In theEpistle to Titus, Paul gives a broader instruction for women. They are to be “selfcontrolled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to theirhusbands, so that no one will malign the word of God” (Tit 2:5).From the perspective of a different person, Peter gives instructions to thewives and confirms the same submissive attitude developed by Paul. He writes,“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of themdo not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior oftheir wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives” (1 Pe 3:1-2). 125N. Lovše: Roles of Husbands and Wives in the Christian Marriage Relationship (Ephesians 5)Verse 23 of Ephesians 5 introduces the motivation behind the submission,“For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, hisbody, of which he is the Savior.” John Stott recognizes two reasons implied forthe submission of the wife; “The first is drawn from creation and concerns thehusband’s headship of his wife, while the second is drawn from redemption andconcerns Christ’s headship of the church” (Stott, 1973:220)Here the divine analogy of Christ and the church is implemented in thescene. Not only do we have two actors, a wife and a husband, we have a parallelrelationship that is providing illumination, giving light and guidance to thefirst pair. Christ illuminates the husband, the church illuminates the wife. Thesymbolism is not new. In the Old Testament, Yahweh has been perceived as thehusband, and Israel, the chosen nation of God, his wife. It was a union betweenGod and his people, a covenant not to be broken. Prophets of the eighth centuryoften used this analogy to call Israel back to faithfulness in their relationship withGod. Hosea wrote,“‘In that day’, declares the LORD, “you will call me ‘my husband’; you will nolonger call me ‘my master... I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth youin righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you infaithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD” (Hosea 2:16. 19-20).In the New Testament, the church is the bride of Christ. He is her Savior throughhis blood and redeeming action. The roots are again found in the Old Testamentwhere Yahweh is the Savior of his people (Is 45:5).Making the connection between husband and Christ and wife and the church,the author makes his instruction more powerful and brings it to culmination.He writes, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submitto their husbands in everything” (Eph 5:24). Observing the submission of thechurch to Christ, there is no doubt that it springs from reverence and awe and istherefore willing and voluntary. It is not forced or demanded; it is simply presentas a natural flow, a logical product of the saving action of Christ on behalf of hischurch. With this in mind, the wife is instructed to submit in the same manner.Clearly, the instruction concerning submissiveness is not abusive or humiliatingbut rather one of purposeful, wonder-filled and humble faith.Th Role of a HusbandHeadship: Even before addressing the husbands directly in the Epistle to theEphesians, the instruction to women intimates the notion of the headship of thehusband. The analogy is clearly made to Christ as the head of the Church. Thisassumes that the head is carrying a certain authority and leadership over the other. 126KAIROS - Evangelical Journal of Thology / Vol. III. No. 2 (2009), pp. 113-134Earlier in the letter, the writer used the word head to point to the rule of Christ,stating that “God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be headover everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fillseverything in every way” (Eph 1:22-23). Thus the concept of headship points tothe concept of leadership. Even more, the notion of authority and responsibilityis attributed to the head in the following passage: “And he is the head of the body,the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that ineverything he might have the supremacy” (Col 1:18) [emphasis mine].The problem today with the word head (very similar to the word submission)is with the understanding of the cultural setting of the era. The contemporaryuse is usually associated with negative meanings, such as boss, ruler or dictator.Authors Lewis and Hendricks offer an interesting observation:“But if we are to ask that same ‘head’ question to the early Christians whofist understood Paul’s radical usage of the term, I believe we would receiveresponses with a much diffrent, life giving color: ‘protector’, ‘provider’, ‘lover’,‘responsible for’, ‘developer of ’” (Lewis & Hendricks, 1991:63).Some of these descriptions are the basic roles of a husband, also mentioned inEphesians 5:25-33.The origin of the headship of men is found in two other passages written byPaul, and they are of great importance in understanding the concept as a whole.In the letter to the Corinthians, he writes, ”Now I want you to realize that the headof every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christis God… For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither wasman created for woman, but woman for man” (1 Co 11:3, 8-9). In the first letter toTimothy, he writes, “A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I donot permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.For Adam was formed first, then Eve” (1 Tim 2:11-13). In both of these cases,Paul is presenting his argument from the story of creation. Stott writes,“And since it is mainly on these facts of creation (order, mode and purpose ofthe creation of Eve) 4 that Paul bases his case for the husband’s headship, hisargument has permanent and universal validity, and is not to be dismissedas culturally limited… what creation has established, no culture is able to destroy” (Stott, 1973:221).Scholars of the Word Commentary offer a careful conclusion on Paul’s view of the4 My insertion of the facts which were stated in the previous paragraph in the text. Thy arebased on the fact that a woman was made aftr man, out of man and for man. A man is alsoborn of a woman, so they are both dependent on one another. 127N. Lovše: Roles of Husbands and Wives in the Christian Marriage Relationship (Ephesians 5)headship.“Th writer’s point is this: the husband’s headship or authority, which the wifeis to recognize, is one that is patterned on the unique character of Christ’sheadship over the Church, and, as the rest of the passage will make clear, thatsort of headship included Christ’s giving his life for the Church” (Lincoln,2002:370).To Love: A wife’s love for her husband might be taken for granted, but a husband’slove for his wife is not so commonly expected. It was so in the ancient world andit is so today. The ancient Greeks taught their men to love their wives, however,the word used for love was phileo or eros, first describing the friendly love andsecond, the sexual union. The Bible uses another word altogether in describingmarital love. The word is agape, a love that is beyond all that can be imagined byman, a love that casts out all fear and gives its life for another. It certainly neverfails; therefore it is God-breathed (1 Co 13:4-8).Paul goes directly to the core of the role of the husband. Wasting no words,he writes, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gavehimself up for her” (Eph 5:25). Paul specifically states that this kind of love isprimarily sacrificial. It is a love that all followers of Jesus Christ must implementin their lives (Eph 1:1-2; Col 3:12-14), but here it is specifically addressing menand giving them two analogies to show how this should look. There is no betterway to demonstrate an action that is so divine than with a heavenly example.A husband must love his wife as Christ loves his church. Already noted, Christshowed his love for the church by sacrificing himself on the cross. The love ofChrist is concerned with two areas of a husband’s love for his wife. Not only doesthe love of Christ become the model, but also the source from which the loveof a husband should be expressed. The sacrificial death of Christ provides themoment in history when love was presented in action and where a relationshipwith his church was supremely expressed. His death unmistakably garnished hislove for his bride (Eph 2:13).The sacrifice of Jesus Christ sprang out of pure agape love; however, it wasnot without purpose. It was for the sake of the church, to be first cleansed andthen sanctified. Sanctification is an important concept for Paul. He uses theterm “holy” throughout his letter to the Ephesians and helps them to realize thatsanctification includes being set apart for a purpose, to achieve moral purity. Hecalls them saints (Eph 1:1,15,18; 3:18) and reminds them that they were chosenbefore the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in God’s sight (1:4;5:3).The process of sanctification is important to all believers. It is accompaniedand accomplished “by the washing with water through the word.” The aorist 128KAIROS - Evangelical Journal of Thology / Vol. III. No. 2 (2009), pp. 113-134participle of the verb “to cleanse” carries a continuous meaning and thus thetranslation “cleansing” and not “have cleansed” (Lincoln, 2002: 375). It is acontinuous process that is, at the beginning, accompanied with washing withwater, alluding here to New Testament baptism (Stott, 1973:227).Although sanctification and water cleansing are metaphors for salvation, herethe reference is directly to water baptism. We read of such a cleansing in Hebrews10:22. A secondary meaning is included in the phrase about washing with water.One part of the Jewish marriage preparation called for a bride to be cleansed withthe bridal bath. Sampley comments that,“thus Ephesians 5:23-27 has close affity to Ezekiel 16:8-14 in that both reflct a hieros gamos (YHWH-Jerusalem, Christ-church) in which the groomcleanses his bride by washing with water and in which the result is a strongemphasis on the beauty and purity of the bride” (Sampley, 1971:43).The love of Christ is an active love that is showered on the church. In the sameway, the love of a husband is to be active, reflected in the sanctification of thewife. A wife who is loved is a radiant wife. The second purpose of the sacrificiallove of Christ closely follows this form of love.He, the groom of the wedding ceremony, is presenting himself with a bridethat is radiant, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish. She is the perfectbride. She, by herself or by her own efforts, is not that pure. She is pure becauseof the preparation done beforehand by the groom, as discussed above. Now she issanctified, and as such, she is presented to Christ.The imagery of the bride and groom relationship between Christ and hischurch comes to culmination in Ephesians 5:26 and 27. Paul also explained thisimage to the Corinthians when he wrote to them saying, “I promised you toone husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him” (2Co 11:2). However, he does not put the relationship between husband and wifeto the side, rather, all the more, he is elaborating on the divine ordination andpreparation for such a commitment. In the Epistle to the Ephesians Paul makesit abundantly clear that Christ himself is the one preparing the bride for himself,where in the letter to the Corinthians, Paul was expressing his own role in thepresentation of the church to Christ.Again, the church Christ is presenting to himself will, after his sanctifyingwork, be “radiant and without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish.” WordCommentary notes that,“She is to be holy and blameless, the two terms found so frequently in OTcontexts of cultic and ethical purity, used with the language of presentation inCol 1:22, and already taken up earlier in this letter in 1:4, where the displayof such holiness and blamelessness is seen as the purpose of God’s election of 129N. Lovše: Roles of Husbands and Wives in the Christian Marriage Relationship (Ephesians 5)believers from before the foundation of the world. Impurity is what characterizes outsiders (cf. 4:19; 5:3); purity is the distinguishing mark of Christ’sChurch” (Lincoln, 2002:377).It is important to understand here that husbands are incapable of accomplishingthe complete sanctification of their wives. The point Paul was trying to make ingiving this example was not to instruct husbands to be the savior of their wivesand perform some sanctifying work in their wives. In all logic, this would trulybe an overwhelming instruction, not a sensible one, since only Christ can saveand sanctify a person. However, the implications of the role of the husband carrygreater weight, as one would imagine. Here, Paul is exhorting husbands to love,explaining to them in great detail the role that is placed upon them. He uses theperfect example of the love of Christ in which it is crucial to include the salvationand sanctification process, to show this love to be sacrificial and unique. This isthe kind of love husbands are to strive to have. There is only one who can saveand sanctify, only one who has complete authority over all humanity — JesusChrist. The husband, however, does have a responsibility to his wife.Paul instructs them further in Ephesians 5:28-30. Bringing the exhortationback to the main role of the husband within the marriage relationship, he writes,“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. Hewho loves his wife loves himself. Aftr all, no one ever hated his own body, buthe feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church — for we are membersof his body.”At first glance, a striking regression occurs. The culmination of the divine sacrifice and cleansing of Jesus Christ through his love leads Paul to exhort husbandsto love their wives as themselves. Many biblical commentators have tried to alterthe translation, because it conveys a sense of a lower standard, that of self-love.However, the second sentence where Paul clearly repeats that “he who loves hiswife loves himself ” permits no other translation. Stott notes that “the probableexplanation for Paul’s descent to the more mundane level of self-love is that he isalways a realist” (Stott, 1973:229). Paul truly is concerned with giving husbandsand all believers reading this letter not just a theoretical instruction, but a practicalone that can be followed with ease. This love of self is natural to mankind, andeven in the Old Testament, God used this to give a law that was to be followedand was easily understood by all (Lev 19:18).It is natural that man does not hate his body, but cares for it. Husbands arereminded by Paul that they are to treat their wives in the same way. Under theircare, wives are to experience freedom and encouragement to achieve the fullpotential God has for them. If a child, for example, is nourished and taken careof, it is more likely that he will develop into an upright adult. If a child, or even an 130KAIROS - Evangelical Journal of Thology / Vol. III. No. 2 (2009), pp. 113-134adult, experiences physical or emotional malnutrition, neither can develop intothe full potential intended by their Creator.Paul brings back the example of Christ. He has always fed and cared for hischurch. Here Paul shifts from the analogy of church as bride and presents thechurch as the body of Christ, and with this, includes all the readers of the epistleas partakers of this wonderful nourishment from Christ (Eph 4:12-16). Paulreminds us all that we are members of this body and as such, must realize thatwe are the beneficiaries of the feeding and caring of Jesus Christ. Because of this,husbands must care for their wives in the same way and all believers should carefor one another in the same way.Concluding Words in Ephesians to Husbands and WivesIn the Epistle to the Ephesians, Paul stretches the idea of the mystery he so lovedtalking about. This mystery was, of course, no other than Christ, his Savior andLord. At the close of the exhortation on the marriage relationship he quotes andinterprets a verse from Genesis 2:24 and relates it to Christ and the church. Hewrites, “‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be unitedto his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery —but I am talking about Christ and the church” (Eph 5:31-32). In the quotationof Genesis, Paul is surely thinking of the close relationship between a man anda woman, however, in the second part, he introduces his own interpretation,wielding a deeper symbolism in connecting this passage to Christ and the church.Stott rightly states that,“it is appropriate for him to do so because a ‘mystery’ is a revealed truth, andthe profound ‘mystery’ here, namely the church’s union with Christ, is closelyakin to that of Jewish-Gentile unity in the body of Christ, which had beenrevealed to him and of which he has written in 3:1-6” (Stott, 231).In the view of the apostle Paul, the marriage relationship is a wonderful model ofthe union of Christ to his church.As such a model, certain responsibilities are set in place and Paul closeshis exhortation by again coming back to both husbands and wives. This timehe directly addresses the husbands first, then indirectly addresses the wives andsummarizes the instruction of the whole passage. He writes, “However, each oneof you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respecther husband” (Eph 5:33). The word respect here is the Greek word phobetai,which literally means “fears”. Modern translations would rather use one of thepossible variant readings incorporated into “fear”, such as “respect”. The word“fear” has mostly negative connotations as understood today. However, the Greek 131N. Lovše: Roles of Husbands and Wives in the Christian Marriage Relationship (Ephesians 5)dictionary clearly states that this same word means fear in its basic form, but canbe translated as respect (Amerl, 2000:188), reverence or even adoration (Stott,231).The exhortation for husbands to love their wives incorporates a love that issacrificial and uplifting. It is a love that feeds and cares for another, and it borrowsits motivation and example from the perfect love of Christ for his church. Theexhortation for wives to submit and respect, reciprocates and willingly acceptsthis love and lets the husband achieve his full potential as the leader appointedby God. The primary example is the church; the one that is fed and cared for byJesus Christ and joyfully accepts his encouragement.ConclusionIn the beginning God created man and woman; he created them both in his imageto bear the distinct characteristics of his personality and gave them specific tasks.They were to multiply and be fruitful, to fill the earth and be good stewards of allthat was given to them. Adam was created first and from him and for him, Evewas created. She was called his helper, but in the most respectful and fulfillingway. She was not to be a slave with no rights, rather the closest companion andhelper, to assure that Adam would achieve the full potential that God intendedfor him. When sin entered their world, many abnormalities of this divine plancame upfront and such a state led to the mistreatment of women that was presentthroughout all of antiquity and even to this day. By the time of Jesus, marriagerelations were so distant from the original intent; God himself intervened andthrough Jesus made new humanity possible. Paul, as a disciple of Jesus Christhimself experienced this newness of life and was determined to teach it forth topeople that called themselves Christians.In the fifth chapter of Ephesians, there are important and deliberate instructions to men and women regarding their marital privileges and responsibilities.The writer is clear and understandable. All believers and followers of Jesus Christmust, first of all, live in the new reality of life, where mutual submission and loveare the basic principles in any relationship. Jesus himself spoke of this amazingway of life. He said, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself andtake up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). He himself was the first whodid this for all by sacrificing himself on the cross.Within the marriage relationship, the role models for husbands and wivesare Christ and the church. This amazing divine relationship sets the tone of theentire reality of Christian marriage. Husbands are challenged to look at Christ’srelationship to the church, to observe the way he sacrificed for her, loved her,cleansed her and made her holy and blameless and then live according to that 132KAIROS - Evangelical Journal of Thology / Vol. III. No. 2 (2009), pp. 113-134example. In a similar way, wives are challenged to observe the church, the brideand body of Christ, to notice her willing submission and respect and to thenfollow that same way. Both husbands and wives are called to willingly submitto one another, naturally springing from submission to Jesus Christ. However,wives are further and specifically instructed to submit to their husbands andhusbands are called to lead and love their wives as themselves. The tasks setbefore each are not easy, however they are achievable in the power of the HolySpirit of which Paul speaks of before entering into the exhortations to husbandsand wives. The reality that a husband and wife are one flesh is the assurance of thedivine approval which motivates and inspires all.